Final Draft of Piece #2

I just realized that my final draft of this piece never got posted, so here it is.



A clump of bicycles is parked on the sidewalk alongside of the building, and the smell of cigarette smoke drifts past. The sign above the door states “Polar Pops, Any Size, 59 cents, Every Day!” At the top of the building is a bright red “K” sign, denoting the building as a Circle K convenience store, although many that frequent the store know by its former name, Dairy Mart.
A grandfatherly old man enters, and is greeted by a smiling “here comes trouble!” from the cashier. He chuckles and steps to the counter to buy lottery tickets, jokingly looking over his shoulder to see whom she might have been referring to.
Behind the man, the line snakes past a cooler of sandwiches, a shelf of snickers bars, and a display of cheap jewelry. College students holding gallons of milk or six-packs of beer wait in line with businessmen stopping for a pack of cigarettes, and mothers and children stopping by for a snack on the way home from school stand alongside men who ride up on bikes to buy a bottle of beer concealed in a paper bag; this convenience store attracts people from all walks of life.
Located at the corner of Lovell and Oakland streets, not far from downtown Kalamazoo, this Circle K store sees a wide variety of customers each day. Stocking everything from Red Bull to eggs, and frozen pizzas to WD-40, and open 24 hours a day, the store generally has whatever someone could possibly want at the moment.
Just down the street from Kalamazoo College and around the corner from Western Michigan University, a large number of the store’s customers are college students. “I like working with the students” says Teri, the store’s manager. “They’re all nice.”
In addition to students, the store serves a wide variety of customers, including families, college students, and the homeless residents of the area, and therefore the employees have witnessed many hilarious scenarios. “Lots of funny stuff happens around here,” Teri says, laughing as she thinks back over the experiences she has had while working at this particular Circle K store. “There have been drunks lying on a customer’s car, and the customer has comes in to say “can you get them off my car?”’
She continues. “Also, there’s one elderly man who lives in the area…well one day he was standing by the counter, and we looked and his pants were at his ankles. Then he said, “Could you help me pull my pants up?” And whoever was working at the time just went around the counter and helped him like it was no big deal.”
Because of the large and varied customer pool, employees make a concerted effort to make sure all the interactions go smoothly and every customer feels comfortable shopping there. There have been instances where potential customers have entered the store drunk, or approach other customers in search of money, but as Teri says, “We won’t allow it. We deter it, we stop it. I mean, being a woman, if I saw that kind of thing going on, I’d be going to the next store instead.”
In fact, there is another convenience store located just a block away, Munchie Mart. The two businesses stock many of the same products, and pull from the same customer pool, but Teri says that Circle K doesn’t do anything extra to try to gain an edge. “I don’t know if it’s actually a competition, but Circle K is corporate owned, so it’s one of Circle K’s things that whether you’re in Mexico, Canada, or Ohio, you can walk into Circle K and know what to expect. So all of us carry the exact same things, they tell us what to carry.”
The atmosphere is an important factor that brings customers into the store, and turns customers into regulars. “We’ve painted, we’ve cleaned…makes it look better, smell cleaner” Teri says, pausing to laugh. “People wanna come back; we’re friendlier.” “Most of the customers, the kids know exactly what they smoke, exactly what they want, and a lot of them know the birthdays, you know, cause we card everybody.”
Although the employees work hard to make the store run smoothly, there are some customers that take advantage of the easy-going atmosphere and attempt to steal merchandise. “It’s always beer”, Teri says, shaking her head and smiling wryly. “We have some kids that try to steal candy, but I would say 80% of thefts are beer.”
However, she continues, “I would that we catch about 70% of them.” Luckily, this sort of incident is the worst the employees have been forced to deal with; when asked if the store has ever been held up for cash, she smiles and says, “we have never had that. We’re lucky.”
Another way in which the store has been lucky is the positive largely positive reactions to their customers to the new state smoking laws. Until the recent changes, customers would often stand on the sidewalk smoking next the ice freezer, but the smokers have now been relegated to around the corner of the store beside towering stacks of colorful milk crates. While this is an inconvenience for smokers, Circle K still sells a large volume of cigarettes, and the new laws have had positive affects on other areas of the store’s business. “I think that our sales of beer have went up”, Teri says. “People are drinking at home because they can smoke at home.“
The store also used to sell gas from a cluster of pumps in the parking lot, but last summer it was a corporate Circle K decision to remove the pumps for economic and environmental reasons. “The tanks in the ground were not environmentally friendly anymore, and with what gas we sold, it was too costly to try to put them back in” Teri explains. “But since they took the gas pumps out and we have better parking, my sales have almost doubled.”
As the manager, Teri has control over many aspects of how the store is run, and she also cultivates friendships with customers and maintains a motherly relationship with her employees. “I’ve been at this store for about a year and a half, and I would be really saddened to leave. The customer base and all my kids that work for me.” Smiling, she continues. “You know, it’s just the whole concept of everything. Everybody, like I said, from the homeless to the families to the kids, and everybody’s really great. You know, there are a few sour apples, but everybody’s really great. I’ve met a lot of neat people.
“It’s fun working here, it is. To me it doesn’t seem like a job. I don’t wake up in the morning and go “Ugh, I gotta go to work”, I really do enjoy it here.”

Process Writing

The projects that we have done throughout the quarter have all been extremely interesting to me, and they have taught me a lot about myself and my writing process.
The number one thing I learned in the class was probably a combination of my shyness and procrastination, and how these two factors can affect every part of the process of writing a narrative piece. Ironically enough, my first piece in the class was about my journey through high school and college and how my perfectionism and procrastination has changed throughout that tie period, and this class provided another piece to the story. Whether it was because I was nervous about pursuing interview subjects, or simply because I was unhappy with how my writing process was proceeding, I had time when I was very unhappy with my work and sometimes missed deadlines. My goal was to learn to let go, and to be more comfortable with putting my thoughts on paper without having to make them absolutely perfect the first time, and I think I have been able to succeed somewhat. While my promptness with deadlines has not necessarily gotten better in the class, I have gotten much better at letting go of my insecurities and moving forward with assignments and topics.
Another thing that I have learned a lot about in this class is my writing process. While I may not be the fastest writer, I think that the assignments in this class have allowed me to connect more deeply with my subjects, and therefore has allowed me to show the reader more about them in my pieces. In the piece I wrote about Dairy Mart/Circle K, I had several conversations with the manager Teri, and felt like I got to know her relatively well, so I was able to think of her as I was writing and put more of her in my piece.
As a whole, this class has been very helpful to me, both personally and academically. It has helped to work on personal issues such as perfectionism and procrastination, it has forced me to stop being shy and take charge, and it has helped me to connect more deeply with people and think about how to tell their stories to the world.

Final Draft of Profile Piece

In the cluster of athletic offices on the upper level of Anderson Athletic Center, tucked into the back corner,
Hess is the head women’s volleyball coach at Kalamazoo College, and has held the position for 26 years, leading the program to a .553 winning percentage and winning the MIAA tournament five times. Before becoming a coach, she played volleyball at the University of Michigan for four years while earning her degree in exercise science, and then went through a series of coaching positions at high schools throughout Michigan before being offered the position at Kalamazoo.
Hess has been involved with athletics all her life, and has gotten to where she is today largely as a result of her lifelong involvement with the sport of volleyball, and many might suppose that her current position is one that she has been working toward her entire life. Interestingly enough, those people would turn out to be wrong..
“I remember exactly where I was, at practice in college, when we were talking about if we’d ever coach,” Hess explains, laughing at the memory. “I put my hand up and said ‘I will NEVER coach, cause I can’t deal with people who don’t know the game like I do.’”
However, as often happens in life, Hess’s path soon diverged from where she had previously thought it would lead. She began her time at the University of Michigan believing that she was going to become a doctor, but taking pre med classes soon proved to be too much for her to handle along with her athletic schedule. She tried changing her major to physical therapy, but that also wasn’t the right fit. “I said to myself, I can’t study medicine at this level while I love this game and put my heart and soul into this game.” Instead, she decided to change her major to exercise science, and she soon learned that it was a perfect fit.
“It was wonderful, it was everything I wanted to study. It was everything about how the body works…it was what I wanted to know, going into it, but I didn’t know that. I thought I wanted to be a doctor.”
Once she had found a major that was the right fit, Hess’s college career continued smoothly academically and athletically. After graduation, she decided that she wanted to remain at the University of Michigan to pursue a graduate degree in athletic training, and found herself assigned to the volleyball team as a trainer. However, one day everything changed drastically; Hess was playing in a recreational volleyball game and tore her ACL. Suddenly, she was forced to reconsider her choices and reevaluate. A friend that was coaching high school girls volleyball at Gabriel Richard High School in Ann Arbor offered her a chance to coach the junior varsity team, and in a time of transition, Hess accepted the offer.
“We were horrible, just horrible,” she relates. “But I met my husband there, he was their girl’s basketball and softball coach.” Their relationship blossomed, and soon the two were married. Hess then took a job offer at as the head volleyball coach at Dexter High School, but the job was short-lived, as her husband was offered a women’s basketball position at Western, so they moved to Kalamazoo.
“I never ever ever thought I would coach again,” Hess says, smiling. However, this was yet another example of how her life has fallen perfectly into place. She was offered the head coaching position at Kalamazoo Central High School, and soon after, she heard that the head-coaching job at Kalamazoo College was open. Unsure about whether apply, she eventually decided to try for the position, and was soon offered a part-time job as the head women’s volleyball coach.
For three years, Hess coached the Kalamazoo volleyball team part-time while completing her Masters at Western Michigan University, and in 1987 she was offered a position on the Kalamazoo College faculty after completing her degree. As she explains it, “The universe pretty much conspired and said ‘No, you’re gonna go here.’” The pieces of her life continued to fall into place as she began teaching classes at the college, including physical education classes, and also took on rolls such as the assistant softball and women’s basketball coach as well as the associate chaplain.
These days, Hess’s job titles include head women’s volleyball coach, chair of the department of physical education and athletics, and professor of physical education. Although these various roles may seemed somewhat varied and time consuming, Hess wouldn’t have it any other way.
“I love what I do, and it uses what I feel are my skills, and my knowledge base,” she says happily. “It allows me to do what I know…I can’t imagine a better life for me.”
She uses her life experiences to offer advice to her students, telling those who ask about her belief that everyone’s life can work out if they just work hard and believe that good things can come from their efforts. Using her faith and life path, she is able to help students believe that they too can find a career that brings them as much joy as she has found in hers.
“My life fell into place. It was nothing I ever pursued, but because I loved the game, the game pursued me.”

Multimedia Slideshow

Week 10: Responses to Pieces for Workshop 2

Stephen-
I love your descriptions and detail, you make it possible for the reader to imagine what it was like to be there for the service, all the way down to the sounds and looks that you got from people. It might make the piece flow better if you mixed the other voices and interactions with the description, because your current structure kind of jumps from total description to what happened after the mass. I know that this is because of the chronological way you chose to write the piece, but some more pieces of information about the people around you throughout the service might connect it all. I liked the way you were in the piece as the narrator and how you included your reactions and emotions throughout the service. I thought that your emotions about feeling out of place and your nervousness about participating in various parts of the service worked well with the way you described things. There were portions of the service when you didn’t really know what was going on, and you made that clear in the way you described things, which brought the reader into the scene with you. I was a little confused about the various religious aspects (like Alpha and Omega) at time, so it might be helpful to have a bit more description there as you learn more about that kind of stuff yourself. I’m interested to see how you integrate the information you get from Greek Fest, I think that adding that info will help you decide what you want readers to take away from the piece. Great job :)

Marina-
I loved your intro, I think it does a great job intriguing the reader and pulling them into the piece. I liked how you included perspectives from women with different interests in the arts, making it clear that there are women in different departments that are working to discuss women’s issues and work towards greater equality. You set the quotes up well, and your transitions worked well for me, so I thought the whole piece flowed really well. I liked when you mentioned the male (and female) reactions to the connotations of “feminism” in connection with the various students’ experiences, and it might be interesting to include something about how the audiences reacted to the Tempest, Rachel’s SIP presentation, etc. to see if these reactions differ. Also, discussing definitions of feminism, Laura, Laura, and Rachel’s and/or general definition that many students on campus seem to believe in, might help to solidify the piece by giving the reader a better idea of the climate on campus when it comes to feminism and progress towards equality. Great job :)


Simona-
Your piece was really interesting to read, I had never heard about this class and was interested to learn that K offered it. I also was interested to read about the migrant readers in the area, because it’s a topic that a lot of K students might never think about but it’s also an important part of the area economy. I liked how you interspersed facts, quotes and anecdotes throughout the piece, it made it flow well. There were a few confusing transitions, such as the paragraph that begins “In 2009 the Michigan Civil Rights Commission held an investigation…”, maybe that part could be moved so that it doesn’t break up the beginning of the story as much. Another suggestion I thought of as I read your piece would be to add more description, both of the houses and the people. The quotes from Megan and Elizabeth seemed a little out of place at times because the reader didn’t know much about them as characters, so maybe adding more about their experiences would help with this. Great job :)

Andrea-
I loved your intro, the way you described the outside and inside of the apartment helped to lead the reader into Lisa’s story. The way you set the scene of all the apartments looking the same and then Lisa’s apartment standing out to you was really interesting, especially when you transitioned to Lisa’s story and explained about the parts of her life that make her different from her neighbors. One transition that was confusing to me was the paragraph where you first mention Mira and the “co-creator”, because both of those characters seem to be important to the story in different ways, but they just suddenly appear without much explanation. My one suggestion would be to add some more explanation of Mira, the “co-creator”, the Martha’s Vineyard connection, etc. if you have enough room in the piece. Also, I liked your use of quotes, especially Lisa’s because they gave me a better feel for her character. Great job :)

Week 9: Responses to Pieces for Workshop 1

Anna-

I loved your first paragraph, I thought that it did such a great job of showing the reader the feel of the building and what goes on there. I also thought that your piece was really well structured, and that you were able to cover a lot of different aspects of the building and what goes on inside it in a way that was clear and logical. I know that you mentioned in your writing process that you’re still looking for the conflict in the story, and I noticed that while I was reading the piece, and I also felt that the descriptions of the different things housed in the building needed more information to bring them all together, like the collaboration you mentioned. I think that once you find that conflict it will help tie everything together and solidify the whole piece. Great job :)

Claire-

I liked the direction you went with this piece and how you discussed what has happened at more than one location. The way you inserted yourself into the story and included little details like the pack of Camel cigarettes you bought drew me into the piece, and I liked the way you mixed observations with quotes and facts. You showed both the positives and negatives of the ban, and the positive and negative ways people have reacted, so I thought it was really well balanced. Your transitions, especially the one from Fourth Coast to Waldo’s, were a little confusing, but I’m sure those will become more clearly defined as you do more reporting and make more connections between the establishments. Great job : )

Jess-

I thought you did a great job with the structure and flow of the article. You mentioned in your writing process that you felt like what you had so far was more of a news article than a narrative, and I did notice that a little as I was reading, but I think that some of that was because you had so much research that you wanted to fit into the piece. I think the fact that you are hoping to add more interviews and more perspectives will add to the narrative of the piece and make it less newsy. I liked how you were able to cover a lot of ground and still make the connections logical and the anecdotes/facts engaging. I got a really clear picture of Streeter and his mentality throughout the piece, and I liked how you started with him and his philosophies and worked outward. Great job : )

Myles-

I really was intrigued by this story idea, and I’m really interested to see where you end up with it. I really liked the description and imagery in the first half of the piece, you painted a really clear picture of the scene and conveyed a lot of the emotions of the place as well. I see what you mean about trying to decide whether to have yourself in the piece. And I think that it could work either way, depending on where you go from here. My one suggestion would be to blend the transition between the first half and the second half a little bit. I enjoyed each section, but there was a big difference in tone and focus between the two, so it might help the flow to combine the two parts a bit differently. Great job : )

Joel-

I liked the way you jumped right into the piece in the beginning, throwing the reader directly into the scene. Your descriptions of the band members, their quotes, and your interactions with them did a good job of showing the reader what the band and its members are like. The quotes you used made the characters more engaging, and made me interested to keep reading to see what happened, so I’m interested to see if you can include more about the members in your final draft and make them more defined. I also liked how you blended your discussion of the band to with the discussion of the difficulties of breaking into the music business, and thought you could add even more in that section of the piece. I was a little confused about how many members the band had, because you only mention the two and their roles in the band, are there more members than Zach and Alex? A little more factual explanation about the logistics of the band might help iron out that confusion and add to the flow of the piece. Great job : )

Profile Responses-Week 6

Claire-

I really enjoyed reading your piece, I've been hearing more about both of the gardens lately so I was interested to learn more about them. The way you wove in the parts about the various participants' reasons for being part of the projects really brought the piece together for me, and further illustrated the growing importance of sustainability on campus. I liked how you built the individual scenes throughout the piece, and your imagery really helped me to picture the people and interactions as I read. One part that personally confused me for a moment was the transition from the gardening class garden to the D.I.R.T. garden; I liked how you used Seema as the tie between the two, but I had to pause for just a moment to remind myself of the transition to talking about another garden and program. I'm sure you'll be reworking a lot stuff as you rewrite, but that was my one suggestion that came to mind as I read. My favorite part about your profile was how you managed to cover a lot of ground but still remain focused, and also how clearly the participants' dedication to the gardening projects came through. Great job :)

Marina-

I really liked your intro, I felt like it gave a good idea of what was to come, and drew me into the piece. I thought your structure and sequencing did a great job explaining the changes over time in Rodgers' thoughts on the interaction between ballet and feminism, and the way it led into discussing her teaching methods and interactions with students was a good progression. The paragraph about most choreographers being male and the "ballet is women" quote was really interesting to me, and it was a good transition from Rodgers' life inside the dance world to her life outside it. I definitely know what you mean about working with quotes because I always end up struggling with that myself, but I think the way you used quotes throughout the piece really helped to illustrate Rodgers' and her progression. My only suggestion would be to possibly add more about student opinions and reactions to Rodger's and her classes; I know you spend several paragraphs discussing her teaching methods and classes, but it might be nice to have a little more about how she has affected other students ideas about feminism. Great job :)

Joel-

I really liked how your voice came through in your piece even though you were profiling a place that you didn't have a person connection to. Some of your quotes really added a lot to the piece, such Ms. King and her love for the Union's burgers, giving the reader an idea of how dedicated many customers are and what it is that keeps them coming back. The part about Steve displayed an interesting aspect of the Union's popularity, I would be interested to hear more about those who go to the Union as a place to possibly meet other singles. One suggestion I have is to work on incorporating more imagery as well as more stories of Union customers and employees. Also, I know you were nervous about parts of your piece coming across as a restaurant review rather than a story, so maybe ending with an anecdote or quote would help you steer away from this. Great job :)

Anna-

I really liked how your piece painted a picture of Victor through the anecdotes and quotes you chose to use. The theme of Victor doing things that were unexpected, like the music he makes or his choice of job, definitely helped tie the piece together. It sounds like you and Victor had some great conversations and had a lot in common, and the piece really illustrates that. One thing I was confused about was the third paragraph when discussing negative reactions and sexism. Was there sexism directed at him, or was he simply asking you about sexism in the context of discussing various ways people tend to discriminate against others? I liked your conclusion, especially the imagery of riding down the hill on the cart and tree that you passed, and I really liked the quotes you used about his perception of himself as between a "city slicker and a country boy", but maybe that quote would work a bit better earlier in the piece. I'm interested to see how the piece evolves as you get to spend even more time with Victor, and now I'm also curious to hear some of his music. Great job :)